monday moodboard

you, me, we

do you ever become paralysed by trivial matters?
something small goes wrong and your brain just freezes.
you mistake it as important because your heart skipped a beat.
but really it’s okay because nothing has changed.

when i’m trapped in the bubble of my mind i seem to forget that life continues on the outside.
i do this thing where i convince myself that i matter more than you
see i forget that your life is just as complex as mine,
both of us are humans, just trying to get by.

i don’t believe it’s in our nature so be so detached from strangers
maybe that’s why we sit on trains creating stories for these nameless faces
we are all different strokes painted by the same brush
when we fully realise this how harmonic life could be
because when you strip it down, what really separates you, me and we?

?am i cute or am i cute?

 yesterday i was at my friend's house and her mum did my hair. it didn't take long, only 3 hours and a bit.

 we drank lots of hot chocolate and watched freedom writers then boyz n the hood. they're both kind of heartbreaking but so good. then we watched 2 episodes of my mad fat diary and went to bed latelatelate.

 tomorrow i'm going on the underground by myself for the first time ever to meet my uncle then he's taking me to kent for my aunty's wedding rehearsal (!the real thing is next week!(!i'm a bridesmaid!)). 

i won't let myself get bored this summer.

eyes wide shut

waiting on pavements, driving on roads, strolling down supermarket aisles.
everybody was born with the potential to be great
but by the time you could walk you were already a slave
to the system.

even the people in control don't actually know what they know
they just do what they've been told
by the puppets who came before them.

all of your eyes are wide open yet shut
the only way to break free from your chains
is to close your eyes, look inside, realise
and that will unlock your mind, your eyes, your heart,
your soul will be free like it was at the start.

 

monday moodboard

<3 i'm gna be ur bubblegum bitch <3 those lips are a painting can u believe it

hayley williams is such a summer princess just look at her laughing with that gorgeous pink n orange hair and cute green bobbly hair bands aww                                                                                  and school is finished until september now woo!

there's this amazing article here btw about someone who is graduating this august from uni with a degree in psychology oh lord. this is amazing bc she's black, female and 14 years old omfg (!!my age!!).

i am very undecided about the colour pink but most people seem to think i love it just because half of my bedroom/wardrobe/bedding is pink and i am a girl l o l

"i can't read but i can hear. i have heard the bible and have learned that eve caused man to sin. well, if woman upset the world, do give her a chance to set it right side up again" - sojourner truth

confused

women got the right to vote in america in 1920 but black women couldn't vote until the 1960s. um what?

 "southern whites feared african-americans gaining more political advantage and thus power." i really wish this 

was a joke. because many black women were uneducated there were actually white women who came 

together to try and marginalise and exclude them. :-/ at least "african-american women would not be deterred 

by the rising opposition and became even more aggressive in their campaign to find equality with men and 

other women." any sort of division between people due to race or gender or anything else is so infuriating.

i don't even fully understand this because the 19th amendment which gave american women the right to vote 

was meant to be for all women, regardless of what they are. there were black women who voted in 1920 so 

i'm very confused. wikipedia is so vague so i'm going to research this. i know what my weekend will consist 

of now hehe then i can talk to my friend about it at school on monday. :-)

cater 2 u

destiny's child was always my favourite when i was growing up. i remember singing along to this song whenever it came on mtv base, which is all i used to watch apart from cartoons. i really like cater 2 u but i never really payed attention to the lyrics before recently. i think they're generally sweet and romantic. this post is going to be about the lyrics and feminism and hopefully i'll make at least some sense.
the lyrics are quite submissive and i was wondering if that's a problem with feminists; is the general idea to be in complete control and power all the time? i was thinking that maybe it's okay, because if a woman wants to be something then she really should be. there isn't anything wrong with being there for your partner all the time or being a housewife, as long as it's what you want and you enjoy it. i'm not very sure about part of kelly rowland's verse in this song though, where she sings: i promise you i'll keep myself up/remain the same chick you fell in love with/i'll keep it tight, i'll keep my figure right/i'll keep my hair fixed, keep rocking the hottest outfits - because change is inevitable in all humans, no matter how small. i guess it's good if your partner encourages you to look after yourself and be healthy etc, but not to the point where you're under pressure to be 'perfect' or a certain way. a feminist can be very physically put together or not, right? the butch, hairy lesbian stereotype is kind of annoying, but there's nothing wrong with being one either. i can sense myself rambling soon so i think i'll stop now, but what i might be trying to say (i have no idea what i'm saying, ever) is that someone's intentions should be valued over their appearance.
lol what has that even got to do with the song?

princess

i deliberately woke up and went to school late today. i don't mind that my mum shouted at me for a while, because i saw a cheery caribbean guy with big hair in a big hat this morning. he was mowing the grass near my school and when he saw me he shouted across to me hi princess! have a good day princess! beautiful princess! it was a nice burst of neighbourly friendliness (or at least i hope so) like you hardly get these days and it made me smile. :-)

on the bus journey to school i was uncomfortably hot and i didn't feel like reading so i wrote a mediocre wannabe-optimistic poem in the back of my planner:
windows on buses are so small
but i'm glad we have them at all
clothes in shops are so overpriced
but to even have a variety is a delight
my younger brothers are so annoying
yet i know, without them, life would be boring
lessons are so long and breaks too short
but without school i'd be naught
so i'm glad that i even get taught
i think what i'm trying to say is
even if you're unsatisfied with the way something is
appreciate that you have something in the first place
maybe your options are limited but there are opportunities just ready to see your face
it would be a shame if you let them go to waste

i got home and watched music videos on dvd with my youngest brother and we ate twister ice lollies then red grapes. since then i've danced naked in my room and now i want food. i don't like to eat lunch at school. i didn't go in on monday or tuesday. it's now wednesday the 17th and demi lovato's new music video is out for made in the usa. she codirected it and it's so good. i like when people take control of their creative visions.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

save me from this crazy i've been painting

* i want to learn about the worldwide cultural impact of the beatles
* i want to be taught about politics because nothing i read on the internet about left wing or right wing makes any sense to me and why are posh rich men in suits deciding stuff about my life and yours when they'll never really know how we have to live with it
* i need somebody to question, challenge, engage with me and let me question them and tell me how the world has treated them and if it was what they expected or wanted

i dislike the typical school environment of two to a table in rows and columns all eyes on one teacher babbling on for an hour. i don't enjoy daydreaming and doodling because it's just my coping mechanism to save me from boredom. it makes me feel bad for 'wasting' my free education when there are 5 year olds walking to and from rivers to get dirty water just to survive, looking after themselves with no parents. why can't i be grateful for the good that i have? gosh sometimes i feel disgusting just wanting and wanting and wanting as if i don't already have enough, but is it even bad to want more?

(i think my mind is about to swallow me up)

re: snobbery

after reading this post and watching this video, i've been thinking about snobbery. i didn't even realise how much it annoyed me mainly because it's so pointless. one form of snobbery i can't stand is when people act as if choosing not to read is the greatest sin and automatically makes somebody stupid and inferior. it drives me mad! i personally think reading is a beautiful thing and i feel blessed to be literate, but that doesn't make me better than anyone. everybody has different interests and opinions and it's like the same people who say it's important to respect that will go ahead and shoot somebody down for holding different values to them! maybe it's a different thing altogether in terms of moral issues, but when it comes down to personal things it doesn't make sense.

like i read this kanye west interview (this guy fascinates me) and he said "sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. i am a proud non-reader of books. i like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life." that's fine, right? books aren't for everybody and social interaction is more of mr west's thing. that's hardly surprising as kanye west is pretty extroverted. it just baffles me that grown adults then went ahead and said stuff like it's sad and unfortunate (why? because he's different to you?) and they have no time for dumb people like him and kim k, as if she's relevant to this. idk maybe i'm being a snob here and i know i'm being a bit judgemental too, but i just feel like it would be lovely if we could just live a little more peacefully, in spite of our differences.

look at me, now look at you, now look at me again, see we're not so different

ramadan

today is the beginning of the saudi arabian ramadan, which is a one-month period in the muslim calender of fasting from sunrise to sunset. during ramadan you cannot eat, drink, have sex or smoke. yesterday the albanian ramadan began. i am not muslim but i've got a beautiful and intelligent and lovely albanian friend who (was born in greece!) is, so she began fasting yesterday. she told me how she got up at around 3am and cooked a meal of lamb and rice for herself. she ate until 4.25am then began fasting from 4.30am to 9.16pm. she didn't go back to bed afterwards because she wasn't sure if she was allowed aw, and when she came to school her eyes were a bit puffy. her parents aren't fasting and her little brother says he loves food too much lol. she doesn't mind though because at least she can get closer to her god. i think that's beautiful. yesterday morning at school, before our lessons started, she was reading a book about islam aw. she's fasting for 10 days altogether, until she goes on a summer holiday to albania. :-)
this friend of mine mentioned the other day that when her mum was pregnant with her, even though she was married, people wanted her to get an abortion because they thought she was too young. i'm really glad her mum didn't listen to them and i told her that. i'm not very good at telling people who i really love that i care about them so i couldn't look at her when i said that. and she's been looking a little dejected this week. i wonder if it's just school weighing her down and maybe the temptations there might be. anyway, here's an adorable picture i saw on werheartit:

it's a new day, it's a new life

yesterday i watched a really interesting documentary on bbc iplayer called wild shepherdess, which was set in a very poor province in afghanistan. it was lovely to watch and those people are so strong. after watching it i happened to feel very good about myself for some reason. maybe it's because of the detoxifying organic aniseed, cardamom and fennel tea i had just drunk. anyway, after that i ate some lovely melon and did some ironing whilst listening to the one joni mitchell album i own (clouds). somewhere in between that i had some sort of epiphany: i have a great body, mind and soul and i really need/want to take care of them. i wonder if the sun has injected me with some positivity because i feel so good. it's beautiful to feel this light and floaty. :-) :-)

monday moodboard

:-) my cousins spent the weekend at my house and they're so beautiful, especially 1 year old lauren. i'm feeling okay and it's been lovely and hot this weekend. i'm enjoying my own company and i'm reading a book called young mandela. yesterday i watched the hangover with my mum and brother and it had me in stitches oh my god it's hilarious. i can't wait for school to finish for summer because it's kind of wearing me down. i just want to chill out and listen to music.

i am a poet and i totally know it

so what if i choose not to shave my legs?
i am not not ashamed, just confident
don't you dare accuse me of insolence
if you are uncomfortable, don't share my presence

so what if i choose to have sex every day
with so many men i forget their names?
for him it is different; he's not viewed the same
i am called a slut, ridiculed and shamed

so what if i choose to voice my opinion?
don't you dare shoot me down, i am not your minion
i have a voice, i will use it
i have a right, don't abuse it

monday moodboard

i wish i had more time to blog because i miss it :-( at least the weather is getting happier and so am I x