i feel so alone on a friday night

my english reading exam was quite alright today. i had fun doing the question on writer's effects but not a lot of time. i feel confident about it all though. i'm hoping to fucking smash the writing exam on monday morning even more. :-)

school felt so pointless after the exam i just wanted to go home. me and my friends spent our breaks dancing to hip hop and reggae, it was so fun and relaxing i love them man.

after school i went on a date with 2 of my best friends to this tea room in palmer's green that we passed on the bus one day and said would be nice to go to. i bought a nice hot chocolate and choc fudge cake which was just nasty it didn't even taste of chocol8 lmao. the waiter put some lovely cream and sprinkled something else chocolatey like a powder next to it tho. that was sweet.  the interior of the place was so beautiful and warm: brick walls, wooden tables, art on the walls ahhh i want to revise there when exams come.

my girls and i has the most interesting discussion we were talking about ourselves like how we've developed and about life and the world and our parents' expectations and our futures and THE UNPREDICTABILITY OF LIFE!!! it got so deep like we were basically thinking aloud like we barely looked into each other's eyes (but when we did i knew they were listening and they are my true friends and they respect me)

i've been thinking a lot about respect this week. despite what google says i've decided that respect is the recognition of a person's basic right to be treated with decency and compassion too sometimes. like this morning a girl i used to speak to a lot was walking into school with her friend but still said hi to me. it made me smile so much cos it was such a nice unexpected gesture. so nice. and when i was omw home from the tearoom at the bus stop a guy asked me if i wanted to sit down on the bench and he made space for me which was just so lovely cos i never asked him he just read my body language and i wasn't even facing him. so nice. i love the feeling of being respected and i treasure it a lot which is sad cos it shows the unfortunate rarity of respect in this world. :-(

i titled my post what i titled my post cos since i've been home that's basically how i feel. my parents have been annoying me and i have loads of school work and i'm so tired and i cried a couple times a bit earlier but idk what upset me??? i rlly don't know. probs just the feeling of my whole future pressing on my head. i didn't want to cry any more so i started writing this.

10pm on the dot now.