meet my husband ; )

"my sickness is that i'm fascinated by human behaviour, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people"

"i was always fascinated by people who are considered completely normal, because i find them the weirdest of all"

hands

hands are so very special. i read this beautiful article and it's one of those things that i think everybody should read, i loved it: http://paperdarts.org/literary-magazine/nonfiction-dj-lee.html

"drawing hands" by m.c escher
i studied him in art in year 8
i dislike my art lessons

monday moodboard

i go back to school tomorrow ew. last week was really nice at times because i kept thinking very positively about my body. i've put on some weight now and i feel really comfortable with it even though i still wonder if i look a bit skinny. anyhoo i love these pictures oh my god fairies are real i don't even care what anybody says. i want to be some sort of goddess beautiful queen supreme uber cool lipstick wearing woman when i'm 17, and for that birthday i think i know how i want to celebrate it. me and some cool weird crazy friends are going to dress up as fairies and have a picnic in a forest somewhere and dance around and sing and maybe camp and stuff our faces with haribos. i love haribos.

liebster award

beautiful ally emma has nominated me for this pretty pink thing aw :-)

 “the liebster blog award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. the meaning: liebster is german and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome.”

11 random facts about me
1. autumn is my most favourite season
2. i wear dresses when i'm sad sometimes lol
3. i feel christmassy all year round except at christmas
4. humans can really annoy yet fascinate me for so many reasons idk
5. i've never climbed a tree ugh
6. people always bend my nails and ask me if they're acrylics because they're really long and i hate cutting them
7. seven is my favourite number lol
8. i talk a lot but i hate talking haha i'd rather listen
9. my birth date is 9/10 and my mum's is 10/9 except if you're american with your weird dates ha
10. i hope i live long because i want to figure out this death thing first
11. i usually think i'm pretty awesomely coolio then other times i just hate me

ally emma's questions
1. what's your favourite book and why? my answer to this question is always different but maybe birdsong by sebastian faulks. i first saw the bbc adaptation and i loved it ugh omg and also it's about ww1 which interests me. the book is pretty inspirational i guess because it talks about human relationships etc.  and it's very powerful.
2. what do you first notice in a person? i have no idea but let's go with hair
3. who's your favourite actress and actor? winona ryder and gary oldman
4. any book/movie/tv show character you would like to be? luna lovegood!!
5. what is your favourite word? tintinnabulation
6. what's on your wishlist? i don't have one but i want the world l o l
7. any story behind why you started a blog? er no i just like to write i guess
8. any favourite but odd hobby you like to do? i like putting my pink shower cap over the bathroom light it looks so cute and yes this is a hobby
9. where's your favourite place to go to? my nana's house because the drive is ah-mazen, we basically go from one side of london to the other ha
10. are you an introvert or an extrovert? both i think, maybe this is the sort of question to ask somebody else about me because i have no clue
11. favourite pastry? i don't like pastry i'm so fussy omg

i'm such a lazy bugger. i like reading these things but i don't want to nominate anybody or think up questions so yeah, thank you ally emma you cutie pie princess <3

4am thoughts

cassie (skins)

sometimes i get a bit uncomfortable with my existence. it's hard to explain but i feel like i don't necessarily want to be here. it's nothing negative or suicidal, i just want my soul to be floating languidly near the clouds or flying with the wind rather than trapped in my boring body. i'm not even sure if i'm sure about what a soul even is.

cecilia (the virgin suicides)

i just googled it: a soul is the immortal, nonphysical part of a human being or animal. some religions believe that things like mountains and rivers possess souls. that's beautiful and i agree. i can't imagine nature being soulless so i won't. it interests me very much to know that 'heart' and 'ghost' are synonyms of 'soul'. i think of synonyms as sisters. it's kind of funny to think of words as being related to each other.

sleep will not come because sleep does not will it

i want to live in a world where i could go to a park and fall asleep under a tree or next to some flowers and remain undisturbed. i could wake up to a stranger lying near me and we could get talking and i would have made a new friend. how lovely. :-) see i dream when i'm awake and it's nice because these things stay with me for a while. it's after 4.30 now. i'm not sure i'll sleep tonight and that's annoying because i'll probably sleep throughout the day.

frockney rebel

it's felt really weird to not have blogged even once in the last week and a bit omg. staying at my nana's place was kind of boring but at least i wasn't at home and i got to spend time with my little cousins. :-) i went to brick lane last week wednesday with my cousin then we ate nandos and went back to her house then back to my nana's. i kept having really negative thoughts throughout the day and i didn't really enjoy it but it was nice at the same time idk. i didn't buy anything, but this week i went to a cute shop near bethnal green called frockney rebel. i first wanted to go there when i saw the pretty mural thing on the side of the shop on the way to my aunty's house. my mum bought me a cream jumper, a jeans skirt, black shoes and two rings. it came up to £66 which i think is pretty decent. i want to go back there in the summer. :-) yesterday i bought four sets of pretty underwear as well so that's nice.

the frockney rebel changing room (there's only one) really is the loveliest place. there's a full length mirror bordered by colourful fairy lights and a soft carpet under your feet. it's a small cubicle and 2 pictures of elvis presley face each other on the walls. on the back wall pages of a 70s magazine are stuck up and there are 3 in a rack at your feet. they played lots of jazz music while we shopped. next to the till is a tiny red sewing machine. it's not for sale but it's cute. the whole shop is cute. i'm in the mood for cute so here's a song someone i follow on twitter made, it's so beautiful: https://soundcloud.com/heirraid/more-than-the-moon

monday moodboard

thankfully i don't feel very depressed but these pictures are interesting i suppose. i've watched some music documentaries these last few days, a punk one, david bowie, the joy of disco. the 70s interest me, musically and culturally if those are the right words. i'm going to my nana's house this week and i don't know if i'll be able to post anything. probably not. on wednesday my cousin is going to take me to some nice places in london, hopefully we'll go to brick lane. yesterday i read that freddie mercury dressed princess diana up as a man and took her to a gay bar once. :-) i'm listening to rasputin by boney m. it's such a funny song, partly because of some personal jokes i have with a couple of friends from when we learned about rasputin in year 8.