activist in the making??

i've been watching a lot of al jazeera lately. it's now my favourite tv channel because every show features important, informative topics and sheds light on things that a lot of people seem unaware of or unwilling to speak about. today i watched a sad but hopeful programme about a single mother to a 7 year old girl and 5 year old boy in i think china who has stomach cancer. she struggled with motherhood and selling little red bean pie things on a street stall to earn money and the negative side effects of her anti-cancer treatment. it was hard to watch because she kept crying but so wished to appear strong and beautiful for her children. one particularly heartbreaking scene was when it became really hard for her to eat soup so her little daughter fed her then the whole family started crying. the daughter was beautiful, she looked after her brother and did chores independently to make her mum happy. i felt ashamed because i do chores only when it's necessary.

anyway, i seem to have become more aware of some of the horrid things happening in the world, like all the wars and lies and injustices. i want to change and stop it all. that seems impossible but i want to start by focusing on one thing that's maybe close to home, like something i can do or help with in london. my thoughts are tangled necklaces that i don't know how to separate, but rather than trying to figure out how to, i'm just stressing about it. i feel like i've been exposed to too much too soon which is why it's so hard to process anything.

hopefully my teenage frustration will somehow, someday evolve into passionate creative energy used for the benefit of humanity. i live in a world i'm generally not that happy with so it's my duty to change it. i just need to remember to be patient with myself.